Rock my cradle

I have a dream. I have nurtured it since the time I entered college. It had been my soul entertainer during those innumerable lonely nights(still is). Sometimes over a bottle of rum or vodka, or sometimes a cigarette to go with it..... butI never fail to live my dream time and again everyday. It has been a cathartic dream rather, to express what I feel towards certain people and that too through all my might with a touch of gentleness. Everytime and everyday the same thing makes me cry with ecstasy and then due to the futility of it because its pseudo-real as its not happening the way it should.

Before I wander off into that dream world of mine I would like to set the records straight. Its one of the deepest secrets of my college life and something which has kept me essentially human (how much ever that is). The locations of the dream vary; sometimes in college, sometimes in Woodstock and sometimes even at a place with a million ant-like heads dancing like an untamed wave.

Its my dream to sing and perform music in front of a huge and quality audience. But mostly I don't know why, I have dreamt and created imaginary situations where none other than my classmates are the audience. I can see Bhomi, Dj, Anu, Sneha, Neethu, Danny jiving and clapping while I sing numbers like Hotel California, Two Steps Behind, Stairway to Heaven or even the whole Back in Black album(ac/dc). It gives me so much of pleasure, contentment and joy that its unparalelled by any experience- to the truest sense. I can see Anu acknowledging my jives along with the music and singing along with OOOOOHHHs and AAAAHHHs, Dhanya shouting,"Common maxie!!!", Dj just smiling his bunny rabbit smile and following the beat, Sneha just giving me a cheeky smile and Unni and Sid acting as backing vocals and guitar accompaniment. I always end up seeing Mr. Naresh Rao sitting on the last row with that polite and humbling smile on his face but nonetheless enjoying the whole faisco. It happens at the quadrangle and even the birds' park where our seniors had their wonderful farewell.

Me with the mic singing on our farewell.. aaaaah!!!! What can be more rewarding than that?? Nothing at all... nothing ever..... Well I never call these the figments of my imagination because that kinda puts my feelings and emotions down. But as usual this whole phenomenon has a string of pain attached to it.... and that is I will never do what I do everyday in actual life. I will never sing in front of those people whom I wanted to sing for and I will just nurse it as an unborn child of a dream. Why?? Simply because it wont happen and cannot happen. When I didnt do it in all these three years when I surely could then I just dont see any possibility now.

It just happens that way you know...... when I get home at around 10 or 11 pm..... I just sip my coke and put on my earphones and thats the beginning of my mad band's concert into ecstasy. When I seem to gather myself up again.... I look at my watch and its mostly 2:30 am in the morning. I sleep contented like a Jimmy Page or a Brian Johnson who has had his moments of satisfaction while making a crowd of thousands dance and jive insanely and thus it has continued since the first year of college.

I never could form a band which I always wanted to... maybe because there were better singers or maybe because I was lost in my own world and did not take any initiative... or maybe both. I do not know how to explain the feeling of joy and exchange of vibes when a singer sings to an audience or a band performs. So what if the audience is imaginary??? It still is an audience alright???!!! Thats the reason why during Darpan or In- Bloom i simply refuse to get up and go anywhere during the western acoustic and electric performances and sit right in front of the sound-wall. It makes me feel as if I am the one who's on stage with an audience in front of me witha mad guitarists and the drummer playing in-sync with me. I am sure that I can simply electrify the concert at that very moment.

Maybe my love for music is to blame or maybe my expression is in dire need of numerous vents and therefore such 'bizarre' happenings. Well whatever is the case I would plead the readers to laugh to themselves how much ever they want as this whole thing might sound funny and even insane. But to me it is one of the deepest desires I have ever nursed and lived again and again and I would really appreciate if 'a drem' is respected.

So next time you wanna catch us live in Christ or in Ozzfest or even in Woodstock, just buy a ticket from Lucifer, sign in blood and be a part of the Metalloid's Army (Metalloid is my imaginary band)!!! You will surely meet the like of Harris, Bon Scott and Jimi Hendrix and Me too.................. So all you people out their say ,"Haiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllll!!!!!!!!!!! Rock n rolllllllllllllllllllllll...................