......we were walking fields of gold.......

Dear Alma Mater(my mother),
Its not important if we have spent 3 years or 7 years in your womb. Its even even less important if we came here by choice or by chance...... Whats important is that if we were born today (25th of February,2006) sane enough and well developed. During our existence as humans we are born many times and seldom die.... but if we do die then thats an eternal state of purgation!We are born into this world from another, then we are born with perspectives sprouting within ourselves; we are born again too seek companionship and then we are born never to die again(as we were today).


This is probably the last time when we have played our final childish games of hide and seek on your lap- giggling and smirking under the shadow of your ever watchful eye. From now on its the game they call LIFE OF AN INDIVIDUAL. Till today we were searching for the REAL US. But now, within this short span of time we have to stand tall, ever sure of ourselves and never to fumble again. But if we do tumble and fall.... thats for the INDIVIDUAL to rise again as a phoenix.

In this ordeal of transformations, what do we call as our real self, where do we stand and call that place our own?? Its now.... its this place where we stand as the freshly moulded sculpture of flesh and blood but having the power to create and destroy everything around us. Bonds we have formed and some of them torn too.... but what we have never done is to ignore them. They have been preserved in our hearts in such a manner that every morning they are as fresh as wintry dew and as we embrace our second death..... its fresh still.

We were conceived into your being as nurtured hopes and dreams and now you have delivered us from our weaknessess, apprehensions, hesitations and fickleness. The pain you have taken to protect and nurture us all these years has seized to pain you any more, now that we step into this world and fight our own battles. The battle will be tortuous, treacherous and will every moment test our convictions, principles, desires and morals. But you have equipped us with insights and realisations strong enough to counter whatever weaknesses come our way. Should we fail, we will die an unrecognised death from which another being will never rise and the spirit of whom shall forever dwell in "Dante's hell".

We learnt and unlearnt how to love, hate, ignore and be ignored; all the while looking up in agony and maybe cursing a seemingly nascent God for our plight. But now that we look at Him straight in the eye, we know that the choicest of happiness and gloom seek to teach us how to make a meaning out of this mysterious existence of ours. We have existed and yielded among a sea of faces and beings and we have an unignorable bond even with those whom we have chosen to hate or ignore. How can we deny this when innumerable moments of our lives have been interwoven with everyone elses's and is thus frozen in time in a suspended and timeless world??

Hate is an emotion stronger than love..... thats what you taught us mama!! Thats the reason why we should use it very carefully and in degress which are measured so that we are not just left with the ashes of our past rather than its vibrant hues. But when we stop using hate, love makes room in our beings and gain power which can never be surpassed by hatred and ignorance. You have equipped us to do just this and now its upto us if we choose to die a suspended death or live forever...

No more shall we present the excuses of our being innocent as children or of being as clean as the fresh morning rays of the sun because we have developed into such complex beings that even we ourselves cannot fathom its ever-widening chasm. But what we can do is to retain the flame we held aloft all these years so that when we look down, the depth doesnt seem bottomless but just another depression worth of being explored.

Yes when I write this, I myself am perturbed and apprehensive about the hopes expressed herein, but well how shall we know unless we go forth and " drink life to the lees?" I have loved enough to last a life time and hated enough to live on it, but what I will never do is to forget how I have loved and hated. Why? So that, I learn to love more those, whom I have loved and to know how I could have loved those whom I have hated. Impossible as it may seem, thats where I believe the meaning of our being entities of sentiments is truly realised.

Mama!! I have loved you and now ever more than before as we part and go forth to find the 'cause' for which we live now. If we do find it, then you my mother, would be the core of it. You who has sculpted thousands like us evr so painfully and without questioning. I know that when we come back as individuals with goals(some fulfilled and some yet to be) you will be as happy as my old lady at home who counts every breeze and every tear drop waiting for my arrival with accolades and ambitions. I love you mother.... and how can I ever be grateful to you but only by being what you have always wanted us to be??

Heres to you my old lady!! Today I shall venture forth while your shadow lingers on behind me........