To me poetry is all that which cannot be expressed in simple words or even when I do not want to express anything but within myself. It is what gives me my identity and moulds it to accomodate different levels of understanding, realisation and thought. It is what I want to be and it is what I am; notwithstanding opinions. Poetry for me is a "spontaneous overflow of emotions" as Wordsworth has said but not when recollected in tranquility. It pervades all situations and scenarios. I keep making and breaking verses and rhymes in my mind even when I am in the ficklest of situtions. Anything and everything can be written about and its just a matter of interest in me which makes me write about certain things.
I had started wrting when I was 16, but I had the notion that they were not worthy enough to be preserved and thus had burnt a huge stack of them in my hostel loo with tears in my eyes. I feel that poetry to a poet is like a child to his parents. You see them grow, you nurtutre them, give them form, condition them to your flow of thought and it ends up sharing you identity. Thus, when i burnt them, I had felt like a juvenile and helpless father killing his children for a greater purpose and I am a criminal till date for that crime. Although now I have written quite a number of them but still, my present somehow ceases to act as a balm for my past follies. This was what prompted me to write the poem called,"When it comes to me."
The first poem I had written in Bangalore is called "The land of the morning star", and since then I have been writing more or less in a consistent maner. Sometimes people ask me if I would publish them, and i say that I would but when the time is ripe. Different poetries of mine have different backgrounds to them, the only common feature would be negativism, spiritualism, dark humor and the helplessness of man. I am really indebted to life for having brought forth so many different experiences with different hues and tinges that makes me a part of this noble cause and gives me a rare identity.
I am also thankful to those few people who had read my poetry and who always had an opinion about them (good or bad). There lies a poets' success and failure as well. Success because your poetry never fails to draw opinions and failure because a poet cannot possibly work on all the opinions and imbibe them in his work. Thats simply not possible. Whenever I feel pain, or abandonment or even hatred, it makes me write and write till theres no tommorrow. Its like a self-consuming fever or an orgasm which make thoughts and ideas torrential enough to be put into words and verses. When at last I finish writing one, I slump down like a passionate and satiated lover yielding in ecstasy.
All this might sound a bit high-handed or even false...... but yes, thats what poetry does to me and thats why it has been my only lasting relationship. There are times when I write poems which seem highly revolting and 'nihilistic' to others but I just have to say that poetry is what a poet makes of it while writing and a reader after that. Its not necessary for the reader and the poet to compliment each other but what is necessary is the flow of though and a subtle exchange of it between them. I am often self-contradicting in my thoughts and thats because I am still striving to attain a balance between different schools of thought and to understand them which evidently is an impossible task to accomplish.
There are times when the softest and purest of emotions and institutions are depicted in my poetry in an utterly dark and pessimistic light. The excat notion behind it is a bit complex. Lets take the example of God in any form or means, I have mostly written against Him or have highlighted the falsity or his non-existent nature. It was not a conscious effort to spurn or hurt sentiments but simply to put forward my the then perspective on the issue. I agree that they change from time to time and that is where the potential of poetry or rather any form of art lies. Contradiction and counter-contradiction brings about such an image which includes both but does not compliment each other. Thus, i seek to achieve a balance but withought compromising the thrust of these.
I am influenced by the smallest and the most 'insignificant' of things and remain unperturbed sometimes when larger things conspire. That is undeniably present in my poetry and one can say that I write about trifles when the world is rotating faster than ever before. This opinion is completely baseless because a seemingly small issue sometimes deserve greater attention and has greater potential of influence and the bigger events sometimes have their solutions rooted in the smaller ones or are blown out of proportions.
There are poets who are different in their dealings with the society as compared to their poetry but I have chosen not to do so. I believe that poetry should express ones genuine thoughts and emotions and should not be a whore to those few who bask in the crowning glory of being pseudo-intellectuals. I do not dare to call myself an intellectual, because being an intellectual has its immense responsibilities to the greater cause of human existence which I am unable to bear till date but nonetheless am trying. Thus, when poets write poetry hoping to clinch a crown studded with appreciations or brandings, the sole purpose of poetry is lost and the poet is DEAD!
Poetry itself is the key to the realisation of ones innate qualities and the corresponding possibilities and when it is not respected, it causes more harm than one can imagine.
I have put my poetries for everyones perusal not for the reason that I want fame and compliments but rather to fish for some new ideas in the pool of comments made. Thus , poetry to me is not an emancipated profession but a noble discipline which has to be respected and to be used with genuineness and selflessness. If criticisms or compliments come as a consequence then bask in them and never feel that you have wronged because if you regard poetry as sacred then it will compliment you in the same manner. By this I mean to say that like or dislike for your poetry is desirable and commendable but when you put forward a work which has hidden notions of attracting opinions(selfish) then its better that you do not write poetry at all.
Poetry pervades every inch of the human fabric, collectively and otherwise and therefore should be derived from every quarter of human thoughts and notions-'sinful' or not! Therefore, although this piece is small enough to express the importance of poetry in my life as a human, I am sure that I have cleared some doubts and raised a lot more regarding the same. My subsequent posts will deal with the same as I myself have certain doubts in certain quarters which is evident.
